Philip's Eulogy for Mom

Eulogy for Frances Isabel Willis Freeman May by Philip Freeman May
January 22, 2011

         Bittersweet. An adjective that can describe what we cannot escape from experiencing.  Its definition; if you look it up, is simply, both bitter and sweet. Its second listed definition is: experiencing contrasting emotions of pain and pleasure. We are having a bittersweet time. We experience the pain that we must endure because we are temporarily separated from our loved one for a time. But then we also experience at the same time the sweetness of our mother’s life as we remember, share, and commemorate our experiences with her. The bittersweet experience is strong. I think we all are having it right now. 

         I speak to you today with an attitude of gratitude. There are so many people to thank for caring for our mother over the past several years. I can only begin count them all. Physicians, nurses and many other medical professionals worked tirelessly to help make Mom’s life as good as it could be. 

          In Texas for the last two and a half years, Mom, Maribeth and I were well supported by our Christian communities of Virginia, North Carolina and Texas. That support came in the form of cards, gifts, letters, phone calls, visitations and prayers. On behalf of my mother and my family, I thank you all. In the funny vernacular of the state of Texas where we live, I guess I would have to say that I thank “yall”.  And maybe that doesn’t quite cover it completely.  The pleural form of “yall” is “all yall”, so I thank “all yall” for your awesome love and support for our mother and family. Momma May was greatly loved. I think it was because she loved greatly. 

            I don't know anyone who has 5 names, with the exception of my mother: Frances Isabel Willis Freeman May. Our names help define us and show our connection to our families. There is special meaning in each name we have. In my mother’s name there is her first name, Frances. It means by basic definition, "from France". Well my mother was not from France but her parents liked the name and so it became my mother's first name. My mother’s second name, Isabel: means "promise of God". This name was given to her in honor of her mother's sister, which was my great Aunt Isabel. Mom’s third name, "Willis", was my mother's mother’s maiden name. Her fourth name was the name "Freeman", which was my mother's maiden name; and finally, the last name, "May". This became her married name, as she became grafted into the Walker May family tree. 

          By name and by her own choice, my mother was very much connected to her family. We are all connected to one another in various ways at different levels. We all share a biological, chemical, and atomic connection to each other simply because we are all made of the same physical stuff. On the human level we are connected biologically and genetically to our ancestors who came before us. On the social level, our family, tribe, ethnicity, nationality, or whatever social organization we affiliate ourselves with, they all connect us. But more importantly than all those connections, we are spiritually connected. 

          We are created souls and beings from the same creator, made in his image. Our creator owns us for his own purposes. Our life is an incredible thing. In my mind, our existence is way beyond a simple random event of evolution. In Psalm 139, the Psalmist says, "I will praise God for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are your works", and furthermore the Psalmist notes how we are, as he says, "knit together in our mother's womb". God created us all, so that makes us His children. So, all of us being His children, that makes us all "brothers & sisters". 

          As for us here, we are Christians. We are people of faith. We stand in faith and we walk by faith. We are members of the "body of Christ" because of our connection to Jesus, Lord of the universe. We are family. We therefore refer to ourselves as: brothers and sisters in the Lord. As Christians, we celebrate, remember, and commemorate many things. We celebrate life. We celebrate especially unions, and reunions. We celebrate the union of a man and woman in marriage. We celebrate the fruit of that love which brings to us children. We celebrate a child’s birth and the anniversary of that birth till the day that they die, and even then, we still remember that blessed day of our loved ones. 

          I think of a birthday party as a reunion of people celebrating the creation of life by our creator. In this celebration, we are actually praising our creator for creating us. How did he do it? How does one take a scoop of total nothingness and create an immortal soul, place it in a body of flesh and blood and place it on this planet for a little season of time? I don’t know, but yet, here we are. I, Philip May, in particular, praise God every day of my life for the gift of my mother to this world. I wouldn't be here talking to you if Mom had not come into existence. Well … Duh! 

          What an incredible life journey Mom has had. She was a loving wife and mother and played some part in the formation and transformation of us all. To some of you she was a teacher, to others a fellow musician, to others a Christian worker, to others a friend or associate. My mother's life touched many people in such a positive way. On a humorous note, I guess you could say that she played well with her brothers and sisters in the sandbox. 

         In honor of her life we are all here today. We honor her in this family reunion for the love she has given each of us and for the good things she has done for each and all of us. This is the Ultimate Bon-Voyage gathering to wish Mom well in her journey to the ultimate reunion in heaven. What a reunion that will be!  She is eternally reunited with Jesus, Mary and Joseph, all the angels and saints who have loved and served God through the ages, and with her ancestors and loved ones who gone before her to that eternal reunion. She is in a place that the Bible scripture tells us that there is no more sorrow, where "every tear is wiped away", and there is no more pain and suffering, for all things are made new. Mom is in a place of light, love, and peace and total social harmony. 

          When I think about this, I think that we could all be a little envious of Mom right now because she is in a better and more beautiful place than we are. But because we are people of faith, we have a wonderful future ahead of us to look forward to. It’s just like we were each given a check for million dollars, which we haven't cashed yet. We have a big smile on our faces, because we are excited about what good things we have to experience when we cash that check. We experience not the fear of death, but rather, the joy of anticipation for our ultimate future life. 

Even the scriptures tell us in St. Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, that "eye has not seen and ear has not heard the things that the Lord has prepared for those who love him". We can only begin to imagine those things at this point. Look at this picture. I believe that this is where my mother is right now, in the strong arms and gentle embrace of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. As the author of Psalm 131 says, "Like a child rests in its mother’s arms, so will I rest in thee". Right now, my mother is that child. 

          There are some special things that I would like to remember and share about the life of my mother. I will always remember that Mom was a strong advocate for education. She herself was a teacher. She taught as a home-bound teacher for the county, and then as an elementary teacher at Ottobine, Singers Glen, and Mt Clinton elementary schools. She was a Sunday school teacher here at Donovan Memorial for years, helping to form the faith base of many people of our community. Mom was an educator at home as well. She was our mom. She was really, the first teacher to my sisters and me. She tried to teach us to play well in the sandbox with others like she did. 

          Mom loved music. She was a piano major in college at one point in time. I can still play a few of the piano pieces that I heard her play when I was a child. Mom used to take me and sometimes my sisters to the Community Concerts back in the 1960’s at Wilson Hall at the campus of what was then, Madison College. I always thought that was a pretty big deal when I was young. I still do. It helped inspire me to pursue musical studies. My mother selected 4 of the 7 piano teachers for me that I have had during my lifetime. She saw to it that all her children had musical education. Mary and Anita can play the piano. Anita can sing and play the guitar as well. There is even rumor that my sister Mary can carry a tune in a bucket but that topic is still under some debate. Just kidding,  Mary. Mary does play the piano though. 

        Most importantly, what I will remember about my mother the most is her great love. She loved God. She loved her husband, she loved her children and grandchildren and her extended family, which included all the people of her church and community. Her love has touched and transformed us all in some unique way. She loved many. She loved well. She lived with an attitude of gratitude for a multitude of blessings in her life. I believe that Jesus is telling Mom right now, "Frances, you have run the race well. You have heroically fought the good fight; but most of all you have loved greatly and you have loved well. Well done my child, well done."

         As for me, Philip Freeman May, son of Frances Isabel Willis Freeman May, I will always remember my mother's love.