"Mary Upstairs"

I met Martha Casselberry when I started working at the Clothing Bank at church. She is a dynamo, very bright, very industrious and always speaks her mind. She and her hubby, Hibbard, moved into my condo during the time that Alan was getting very mixed up. We also went to a weekly Bible Study with the Casselberry's. They and the other members of the group were my family as I faced various decisions regarding Alan.

Hib and Martha have five children, one named Mary. So, when I'd call down for Martha, he'd say, "It's Mary Upstairs."........and that's how I got my name. He had a daughter from a first marriage named Mary Elizabeth but he had lost touch with her. Since my name is Mary Elizabeth and my father passed away in 1985, Hib and I adopted each other.

We shared many good and bad times with Martha and Hib and I really felt like part of their family. At first, when I started seeing Ed, Martha was clear that she didn't approve. However, as they got to know Ed and saw how good he was for me, she changed her mind.

Ed and I went to "my" church, Christ Church United Methodist, which was right across the street from our condo, on Christmas eve and the last 3 weeks. One Sunday, they had us to lunch at their retirement center, John Knox Village.....such an elegant place. Yesterday, we invited Martha and Hib to dine at our favorite restaurant, Sea Watch, which is right on the ocean. It was refreshing to discover that it is just the same as ever, with superb food and awesome ambiance.

The Art Teacher

My friend, the art teacher, is Anita Orlando and her name comes up often when people ask how Ed and I met. I knew Ed from church and decided to fix him up with the art teacher at my school. She called one evening in tears because a friend had died and asked me to call Ed to cancel their coffee date and ask him to call back in about a month. When I called, we talked for a while and he said, "I'd like to take you to dinner sometime." I stammered that I couldn't, I was married. Then said that it would be nice to just have a male friend so it might be OK.

Ed and I both worked with the Clothing Bank at church on Wednesdays and that week we went for coffee after our work. Little did I know that that 20 minutes would change my life. He didn't know about my husband having Alzheimer's and being in a home. But he reacted very tenderly reaching across the table to pat my hand when I got a bit teary.

He invited me for a hamburger at his house after church on Sunday. I was boldly asking all sorts of personal questions - gathering information for the art teacher. Then we saw a movie together and started to realize there was a possible spark between us. The first several times we saw each other, we talked about the art teacher. After that, we talked about how we were going to tell the art teacher.

The next summer, Anita had a job downtown and I went to have lunch with her. She took me around the office and introduced me to various people. One gal said, "Oh, you're the one who stole her boyfriend before she even met him!"

Anyway, Anita said that it was "kismet" (destiny). She did meet Ed and they like each other but felt no chemistry. Ed and I still joke because he only likes tall blonds and I would NEVER be interested in a bald guy with glasses!

Back to the blog post.....Ed dropped me off on Las Olas Blvd. where Anita and I had lunch. As always, she's got all sorts of projects going from caring for her older sister, (who's been in the hospital for a month) and to going to New York this weekend. She and her IDENTICAL twin sister spent a month in Italy a few years ago.

It was a joy to be with the art teacher and I'm happy to report that she now has a wonderful boyfriend, Donny, who adores her.

Rita and Anita Anita had Rita at a party and it was weird...their voices, accents, and mannerisms are the same, so much so, that I got them mixed up!

Rita and Anita

Anita had Rita at a party and it was weird...their voices, accents, and mannerisms are the same, so much so, that I got them mixed up!

Anita & Rita (I think!)

Historic Day in the U.S.A.

I wish I could come up with some profound thoughts and observations about the Inauguration of Barrack Obama as our President today. Even though I can't find fancy words, I feel that it is all just amazing. I did like the phrase that we fight with "ballots, not bullets". Since I grew up right in the middle of The Civil Rights Movement in the 1960's, this day strikes me as a milestone in our nation's history. Who would have ever dreamed that a black man would be elected President?

.........one of the most oft-quoted sentences of his address: "Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again the work of remaking America." Let us all pray that President Obama will be able to face the challenges before him with wisdom and success.

Barbara Walters is now talking about how the way the First Lady dresses reflects the tone of his Presidency. Roslyn Carter was critized for wearing a dress she had worn before - recycling. Nancy Reagon wore a dress that cost about $35,000 the first term and for the second term balls, her dress cost $65,000. Barbara says Michelle's style is much more obtainable and down to earth. I enjoy all those girly details.

Ed and I watched TV all morning, then went to his sister's house to watch the inauguration. Ed made us a nice salad for lunch and we just enjoyed being together. The temperatures are dropping quickly. It's down to 56 degrees, which is pretty chilly for Florida. For supper, we ate our baby back ribs left over from Flannigan's restaurant on Saturday night. It's nice and cozy here in our little RV nest. All in all, a good and special day.

Ed Angelil and his sister, Lorraine Barkett 1-20-09

Dillard Darlings

When I first started teaching in Ft. Lauderdale, I worked at Dillard Elementary. The staff was very close and still keep in touch from time to time. I cherish the memories of the good times we shared and tough times when we supported each other.

On Saturday, Doris Cotnoir picked me up and we went to lunch with Barbara Solow and Marie DeBellis at a lovely place right on the ocean called Pelican Bay. It was like we just picked up and continued a conversation from yesterday......we all still talk a LOT. Isn't that what teachers are supposed to do? We're all retired and agree that it's THE best thing ever!

Ed's treatments continue...

Ed had his chemo treatment with 2 drugs on Monday and got a Neulasta shot on Tuesday which will keep his white blood count from dropping into dangerous levels. He was told that people often get flu-like symptoms, especially backaches from this $7,000.00 shot. He left this week open for "just in case" but we're happy to report that he's doing OK. The only thing he notices is that he feels very lethargic - just wants to lie around and do nothing, not even read or compute.

This evening he feels chilly while I am in short sleeves and comfortable. It's 61 degrees outside but the windows in the RV are closed. He'll probably turn on a little heat at bedtime so it will be comfortable in the morning. Pepper is thankful for the heating pad in the bottom of her bed.

Ed will have another chemo treatment on January 29th and another shot on January 30th. Then we're moving over to the "left" side of Florida near Ft. Myers. A lady who lived in my condo here in Ft. Lauderdale, Jaon Benson, moved over there and stayed about 6 years before her move to Stuart. Her friend's husband has lung cancer so I talked to the friend today. They really like his oncologist and Ed's already got an appointment set up in early February.

We've been warned that February is the peak time for RVers so we'd better have a reservation in an RV resort before we head over that way. Ed got us set up at Raintree RV Resort for the month of February.

Sue - My Dive Buddy

I spent yesterday with my dear friend, Sue Revie. We took many dive trips, starting in the 1980's, with the Undersea Adventurers Dive Club and always had fun. She was my roommate on our trip to Israel in 1996 and I discovered that she's very organized in her touring techniques. You take notes during the tours and look at them in the evening but you also start reading up on where you're going the next day.

Here we are in Jerusalem on our camel ride.

Sue's "thing" is travel and she's been to every continent including some really exotic places such as the South Pole, the North Pole, the Galapos Islands, New Zealand, Namibia, Turkey, North Korea, Spitzbergen, Greenland, Iceland, India, Egypt, Cyrus, Jordan, Malta, Tunsia, China, and Tibet.

It's so ironic that, after traveling to all those dangerous places, she fell in her own kitchen and broke her arm on April 8, 2008. The bone didn't heal, which caused pain, deformity and limited motion, which lead to the necessity of surgery Dec. 11, 2008 to put in a plate. During the process of moving her muscles aside, the nerve to her hand got "bruised" causing her hand and wrist to suffer paralysis.(Radial Nerve Palsy) with a 6 to 12 month time frame for regeneration.

Oh, the things we take for granted, such as cooking. How can you peel vegetables with one hand? Thankfully, Home Health comes in a couple times a week, but that's a drop in the bucket. Oh, to make things tougher, the surgeon wouldn't do the surgery until she quit smoking.

UPDATE as of 1-22-09
Sue saw her doctor this week and there's good news. The bone has healed!! Now she will be going to therapy several times a week for her to regain lost strength and motion and prevent atrophy of wrist. Also, she and her boss practiced giving a shot and taking BP so Sue will be able to work some.....Keeping morale high is a good thing!

Tears

First of all, we want to thank all of your for your continuing prayers and concern as Ed has been going through chemo. He had a CAT scan on Wednesday and we were to meet with the doctor today to learn if the comparison with his scans in October showed shrinkage of the tumors.

Yesterday was a nightmare, starting with a call from the radiologists here saying that the CD he'd brought from our hospital in Virginia only had one X-ray on it and that couldn't be compared to the contrast CAT scan taken on Wednesday. Thus, began a day of calls to Virginia, trips to the radiologists' office, and showing them the label that clearly listed every test, scan, etc. he'd ever had in Virginia was on that CD. He was very frustrated but asked that they look at the CD again and try to open it. If it was really blank, the hospital in Virginia would overnight another one. Ed called the doctor and said he might as well cancel his visit for today until we could get the information needed. The nurse checked and said he still wanted to see Ed today.

We got to the doctor this morning and after the usual bloodwork, the PA (Physician's Assistant, a real cutie) came in and interviewed him as to how he's been feeling (He's been feeling fine.), etc.. The report she had said they could not make a comparison because.......... When Ed explained to her what had taken place, she said she'd go check the computers to see if anything more had come through.

Meanwhile, Dr. Dennis came in and he had the same report. Then he lifted the page to find another page of an "Addendum report" which said "Prior exam has become available for comparison...." Well, lo and behold!! We loved the phrasing "has become available" --- meaning what? That they looked at the CD again and magically it appeared??!

Then came the tears - tears of total joy - "Present CT scan clearly shows some improvement in multiple lung masses and nodules" !!!

He will have two more rounds of treatment which will finish on January 30th, which is the day our stay at this resort ends and we will head to the west coast of Florida. We're happy to be with family and friends here but find the congestion and traffic to be overwhelming, so we're looking for something less congested but not too far from a city large enough to have an oncologist or two.

The doctor can't give a prognosis because everyone is different. He has a patient who was also stage 4 lung cancer worse than Ed's and he's still here 4-5 years later, with chemo from time to time. Ed's cancer cannot be cured but chemo should be able to keep shrinking anything that grows.....for however long it can......

God is good and I am thanking Him and all his doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel, as well as our friends and family who prayed to help make this happen. I think I'll sleep better tonight than I have in a long time, knowing that God is going to let me keep my "Angel man" around a while longer!!!

Marilyn - my long-time friend

My oldest....er, longest long-time friend in Ft. Lauderdale, Marilyn Keating, came over and we went to California Pizza for lunch. We talked for hours with great empathy for each other. Her parents are in their 90's and still around. Her dad's in a nursing home and her mother in assisted living. Marilyn is the child who lives the closest, so most of the visiting and paperwork is on her shoulders and has been for over 6 years.

Ah, but in spite of all our obligations, it was wonderful to be with Marilyn again. She was my next door neighbor when I first got married in 1979 and she's been to Virginia twice (in past years) to visit. Marilyn remembered Alan from her days of teaching at Dillard High School in the 70's because he was the only one who was nice to her......she was the only woman in the social studies department.

She was one of my rocks in dealing with a problematic step-daughter and in coping with Alan when he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. I say I owe her big bucks for all the free counseling throughout the years!

Send a Few Extra, Please

Many people know that Ed was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer last fall. He had some chemo in Virginia and has continued that here in Florida. Tomorrow he is having a CAT scan and we meet with his oncologist on Friday. His scans from October will be compared and we are hoping and praying that his tumors have shrunk. Our next step will be considered and determined at that time. He is feeling fine and has had almost no reaction to his treatments, other than some fatigue. Please send up a few extra prayers on Ed's behalf this week.

Your Laugh for Today

Please go to this previous post (link below) and read all about my CPAP machine. You'll realize what lengths I'll go to to keep my man happy. Of course he could pull one of his usual tricks these days like, "I need to get my sleep since I have cancer" or "Could you bring me some lemonade. I have cancer so I can't get up." See? There's no way out of this one, is there? Get ready to laugh when you see the photo! Click here: Mary's Machine

Blog for Frances May

Ta, da! You may now keep up with Mother through HER blog.

1. Please click here: http://howisfranmay.blogspot.com/

2. Or you can type it into your browser (Internet Explorer, Firefox, or whatever)

3. If you forget this link, you can go to Google and type in howisfranmay (without spaces), then hit your enter key. The link for her blog should show up.

We've moved.....

We've moved to Paradise Island RV Resort, still in Ft. Lauderdale. It's a few miles north of where we were and a mile west of I95. What a pleasant change! The roads are good, the bathhouses and laundry rooms are nice AND they have trash pick-up every day! Best of all, they do have internet access - not free, not fast - but we feel in touch with the world again.

As with any RV resort in Florida, we are surrounded by French Canadians. Ed thinks he's forgotten his French but when he gets into a situation with someone who doesn't speak English, he can spit out some French after all! You may or may not know that Ed grew up in Montreal and didn't speak a word of English until he entered boarding school at age 8. The nuns in elementary school and the Jesuit priests in high school did a good job teaching him English, don't you agree?

Unusual Christmas Day

Christmas Day was unusual this year. Ed's son had invited us for breakfast and then they would come over to see our RV. I was really looking forward to it - got up early and got my hair washed. We left about 9 - drove about 100 feet and Ed stopped abruptly, got out and started moaning. The rear passenger's side tire was flatter than a pancake. So, we got "ye ole guidebook" and commenced to try to change it. Things were soon complicated by the fact that the tailgate doesn't go down, thanks to my wreck.

Ed remembered that we have Roadcare Service. He went in to call the 800 number and had me call Steve to postpone our breakfast till another day. I thought it would be a long wait....who would come out on Christmas morning? Within 45 minutes the young man was there and found what we had - the tailgate won't go down. He discovered a screw in the tire so fixed that and we were good to go. I called Steve but they were taking the breakfast over to his mom's house.

Maybe that was just as well......when we went inside, Ed reclined in his chair and asked me to bring me an anti-nausea pill. He took that and slept. The rest of the day he napped and rested, so it was probably better that things worked out to postpone breakfast. This was the only reaction that he had from his chemo on Tuesday.

We went to Lorraine and Ray Barkett's (Ed's sis) at 5 pm. I'm starting to feel more comfortable as I get to know his family members and they get to know me. Ray has 3 brothers and they celebrate all the holidays together. Several people had colds and, even though they stayed away from us, we woke up the next morning and both of us felt bad. Nyquil is a wondeful invention.

We've figured out that people retire so they have time to make all their medical appointments! Ed is having chemo right now. He sent me to his sister's house so I can get on the internet and pay some bills. He'll have chemo again next Wednesday, then a Cat scan to see if there's improvement.

The Yacht Haven RV Resort, where we are, has no internet access and the roads are awful. We're pretty far into the park with docks on both sides - it's nice to watch the boats but that doesn't replace the internet. On Jan. 1 we're moving to Paradise Island Resort, which is north of us but still near I95. Two of our dive buddies, Chris and are there for the winter and they run the place several days a week in exchange for their RV space. We're booked in there till Jan. 30th - will have to move several times because they don't have any one space open. The fellow on duty today worked quite a while to squeeze us in - we're hoping for some cancellations. Moving will be a pain but Ed says it'll give him a chance to practice parking the rig.

We'll plan to be with Ed's son on Christmas and at his sister's on Christmas Day. His brother will come down from Pt. St. Lucie for Christmas Day, too. Ed's loving the warm weather but it's too hot for me - since I'm "at that age" so am a hot-flasher!! Our cat, Pepper, loves it here! She's a Cornish rex so basks in the sun any time she can.

We just got approval to get the Ford Explorer fixed so will go rent a car and hope they fix it quickly. The insurance company has agreed to wait until we move to the west coast of Florida, where there are many more RV "fixers". Ed wants to get out of this city traffic in February, if possible.

Merry Christmas and please do keep in touch. We cherish our family and friends more each day.

Mary Wrecked

Yes, I haven't had a wreck since I was 22 years old! While loading those final things on Sunday morning, I was gently backing up the Ford Explorer. Out of nowhere, it lurched - slamming into the front of the RV - lots of damage to both RV and car but they are still usable. I sobbed, cried, blubbered, wailed, and wept the rest of the morning. Now we have all the details deal with for the insurance company.

We're in Ft. Lauderdale - things are hectic getting Ed into an oncologist and all the paperwork involved. His sister got her doctor friend to recommend someone and Ed just got an appointment for Tuesday morning. Please pray that the chemo already completed in Virginia has shrunk the tumors and more treatments will "kill" the lung cancer. Ed is feeling fine - no symptoms except for some fatigue.

I love the location of our campground - I 95 & State Road 84 BUT there's no internet access at all. Instead of the $800 a month, since we arrived in the middle of the month we have to pay $1,000.00 for 2 weeks!! We're going to see Paradise Island RV Resort the place that my dive buddies, Jim and Chris Guld, run in the winter and hope they might have a spot. If not, we'll have to shop around.

On the bright side:
We stopped in Jacksonville and visited my wonderful (step) grandchildren. Jon is almost 22, Samantha is 17, and Daniel is 13. They are delightful kids and it was great to see them. We stopped in Port St. Lucie and spent the night in the driveway across the street (no one lives there) from Ed's brother, George. We went out to eat with George and Kay and took showers at their house. Ah..... the beauty of RV life - we got to sleep in our own bed. Last evening, we met Ed's son, Steve, for dinner. We enjoyed seeing Lorraine (Ed's daughter-in-law) and his grandson, Sean, who is now 4 1/2 years old. He's such a beautiful child and behaved very nicely as he sat by Grandpa Ed.

Ed's sister, Lorraine Barkett, lives about 5 miles from our RV resort so we come here to get internet access. My time on email is sporadic but I still like keeping up with you, so keep those messages coming, OK?

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

With love,
Edmond, MaryMay,
and Pepper (our Cornish rex kitty, who is loving her big RV adventure!)

Murphy's Law

MURPHY'S LAW STRIKES AGAIN:

Ed and I are frantically trying to get ready to leave for Florida on Sunday morning. Between trying to get our house and Mother’s set with light timers that work, canceling cable, putting phone “on vacation”, and other such things, we’re scrambling.

Murphy’s Law in playing right in here. For example, to cancel cable for Mother, Ed went in to Comcast's office (Trip 1) but they had to see my Power of Attorney. He went back in with the Power of Attorney (Trip 2). They said he doesn't look like a Mary and that Mary has to come in. Mary went in with the %^#&!! Power of Attorney papers (Trip 3). They have to have the cable box, remote, and cord (Trip 4). Then they have to have Phil’s address to send the refund check (5th trip - by phone). Each item on our check-off list seems to have complications like this. Keeps life interesting, doesn't it?

Ed Might Catch More ZZZzz's!

Yeah, he should sleep better because I won't be snoring erratically; he'll just have the consistant white noise from my machine. Today was the day - I got my CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine. I have severe sleep apnea when I am on my back and my oxygen level drops a lot.

My second night at the sleep center I slept with a CPAP machine to be sure it's the best choice for me. To make it slightly more complicated, after I was halfway asleep, the technician came in and said that every time I started to doze, my mouth dropped open. So, he put a chin strap that goes up over my head to hold my trap shut.

I had no idea what I was getting in for. Assembling the machine, filling the built in humidifier with distilled water nightly, and washing parts of the machine daily, etc,etc. seem overwhelming at this point. It took the American HomePatient Medical Supply Company (the Sleep Center sent me to a national company so I can do my follow-ups in Florida) 2 hours to teach me what to do and another half hour to sign, sign, sign, and sign more papers for insurance.

Here's the tricky part - I heard people at the Sleep Center talk about "downloading" and had no idea what that meant. Ah, ha, someone stayed up late at night to design this system! There is a little card that you put into the machine periodically and you have to go to American HomePatient for them to download it into their system. There is no fudging on this - it will tell them every minute, day, and setting that I used the machine. If you don't go for your downloads and/or don't use the machine faithfully, the coverage will end. What pressure!! I hope I can figure all this out! Nighty, night!

Two weeks later:
This is how I look at night but Ed doesn't see me in the dark and he's sleeping well. I have gotten used to it and am sleeping better. This is so embarrassing but you need a laugh for the today so here goes nothing......

She's in Texas - with Dedicated Effort

You may now find this post on Frances May's blog at http://howisfranmay.blogspot.com/

Maribeth's Help with Moving Mom

You may also find this post on Frances May's blog at http://howisfranmay.blogspot.com/

Mom Adjusting in Texas - Slowly

You may now find this post on Frances May's blog at http://howisfranmay.blogspot.com/